I cry sometimes

I am alone. I am singular. I am alone. I feel nothing becaues I can only feel what I can see. But if that were true...then why do I feel so hurt? Why does my pain want to cry out!! And beg for love. Shamelessly...It doesn't care what it "looks" like or what people think about it! It only matters that it gets what it needs. Like air, without it...we die. Depseration is encroaching my heart as I reach for anything that resembles or "could" resemble the love that I seek. I look into my fathers eyes. Are you there love? And if you are, might I have a bit to tide me over until I find my REAL LOVE? You dont have enough to spare? Its okay. I can make do witht he memory of love, then. I look into my lovers arms. I follow him wherever he may go. I am searching for that warm embrace that will shield me from this cold heartless world. But his hands are busy protecting his chest. He cannot offer me the comfort and solace that I so desperately need right now. I look into my child's face...so much like my own. I can'teven bear the thought of taking anything from him. He is so precious. So pure. So untainted. I dare not touch him lest he get dirty too.

Where do I go? To God, but where is that? And what if God himself turns his back on me too? Then what? Who am I? That I cant find this love that is supposed to be literally all around me? Why? How much pain must I endure before I get the secret key to open this locked box around my heart? I want to cry, but my ducts have turned to stone. I AM ALONE. And my pain is all my own. Help me.