What my future holds

AT this point in my life...I am teetering back and forth between total belief that every dream and goal in my mind and heart are on their way to fruition in my life and who am I to dream this big? I dont understand how I can be on both ends of the spectrum in such a short period of time...but it is the way it is. But how it is...is NOT how its going to be. I dont want for much at this point. So just to prove this to myself...I wanted to "see" what it is that I really want right now.

I want to be debt free (yes I know that I worded that wrong according to The Secret--which I LOVE) but I do. I want to have zero balances on everything except my bank statements. For that I would love to have 10,000 dollars in savings.

I want for my home to be beautifully decorated in a way that IS ME!

Ideally, I would love to own my own beatiful home--see above.

I want for me and my man to have the deepest REAL relationship that we can have!

I want to have authentic connections to everyone in my life (we seem to all be the walking dead lately--going around repeating our stories about ourselves as if on autopilot)**will ponder this later--for real!

I want to enjoy social activities with like minded individuals.

I want to be a loving and VERY present mother to my wonderful son.

I want to own my own business that is geared toward self love for black women in the form of loving and embracing their unique beauty.

I want to write books and maybe do some speaking (getting a little less clear here)

I would love to have a new car--specifically a LaCrosse. I need a four door with having to put my son in and out of the back seat...and the luxury and beauty part of it--thats for me!

I want my Rivi fixed and running right.

I want a beautiful closet FULL of clothes that fit well and are beautiful and expressive of my personality.

I want to always remain in the conscious presence of God--like every moment of every day!

I want to have JOY, JOY, JOY in my heart! ALL THE TIME!

Now for most of these--I feel like it is inevitable...but for most of the ones that I cant "see" a way for right now...I feel more doubtful. But really...I didnt ask to build a rocket(but psh--i could prolly do that if I wanted to)...I just asked to build my life and have it be a comfortable space for me to exist. Is that unrealistic? Doesnt sound like too much to ask. I guess this is where you begin to exercise your God given will and faith that his gifts to us are real. I struggle with this presently, but I will continue to put myself in the way of the Lord--he is gonna really have to swerve to miss my big black behind--cuz I am here. I am Ready. And I pray for my small self to be opened up to the abundance that is rightfully mine. I know that I dont have desires such as these for no reason. I know what I want deep inside me. It is there as it has always been, whether I chose to acknowledge and love it or deny it as I was taught to do. Please God...help me to love myself, all of me. My divine spirituality, and my divine humanity. Please help me to accept Good from YOU! Please let me know that I am worthy of your blessings. And I am worthy of THE GREATEST LOVE! I know I am...but I dont believe it in my heart. Please open my heart and flood my mind with YOU. Thank you for listening--NOW and ALL WAYS! And so it is. I love you.