Celebrate!

I have a friend who just lost weight. A whole size. Now mind you, to me she was not large at all to begin with...but you know weight is personal for each indivdual. And a size is a size. Well the issue I have with her (and myself) of course is that her clothes are now swimming on her, and she refuses to treat herself to some more! Now when I asked her how was she going to reward herself to celebrate her efforts...she looked confused. And I was soooo frustrated, though I understood perfectly well what was going on. The thought didn't even occur to her to treat herself. Most of the people I know dont really do nice things for themselves. That's why when I have the idea of taking a spa day to pamper myself, help myself unwind--I get looks as if to wonder...why? what? ??? Just weird blank stares. Incredulous almost. As if you have to be a millionaire or something to want to do things special for yourself. As I write this I try to remember the last time that I selfishly did something just for my pleasure...no guilt. Been a while. My environment or the people in it used to wonder why I went to the florist every week and got fresh flowers for my room. Well my answer was always 'weakly', because they look nice. And they make me feel happiness when I see and smell them. Well why did I answer weakly...that is a DAMN good answer!!! When I used to get a pedicure bi-weekly, even though I could do them myself, I would answer...because it feels good to have someone else do them. I always felt ashamed for wanting to be good to myself. And the looks I got helped me to cement those feelings. I dont know what the deal is...but now that I look at it... That is NORMAL behaviour. Now if I was buying my happiness, then that would be a cause for concern...but I am expressing my happiness--whole different thing. Why do I let others warped views of the world and MY motivations derail me? I dont know bout you...but it is of UTMOST importance that I feel good...and if fresh flowers and little pamper days helps me to do that...then i'm gonna. Shit that's probly why depression finds it so easy to live in me nowadays...cuz it has not GOOD countering it. If I take he time and effort,which I do deserve. to do little things to make me feel good. The world has to respond in kind. I am so glad that this happened today. Cuz I honestly forgot all the little things that I used to do for me...and the BIG payoff they provided to my life. Thank you so much for the reminder. Getting me some flowers....Today!!! Love.