Only one dinner...!

I am happy and proud to announce...that I, Wakeelah, for the last two days have only eaten one plate of dinner....And!! Yes, yall--there is an and...I did not eat anything afterwards (okay monday I had 3 boiled egg whites, but I thought that was good) I have never really written about my struggles with food, because quite honestly...its a bit weird. I eat when I feel any emotion. I find myself sometimes just standing in front of an open refrigerator....searching. For what? I dunno, my soul maybe...But since I decided that this lifestlye of denial and overcompensation with food was O-V-E-R!!! I feel a lot better. Now dont get me wrong--it is not easy. I have affirmations up everwhere in my house and car to remind me of WHY I am changing these unhealth-full habits. I have to trick myself into believing that treating my body well is a good thing...as obviously those are not current beliefs. I have to pretend to already have the body that I want...I am just working to carve it out of this bit of mass that I have accumulated. And you know what? That works. I swear I can see it underneath all this. I pray for help on this daily. I did a small workout in the PM yesterday...and that feels good as well. I am coming back into myself and it is a glorious thing to behold. I feel totally optimistic about this. I am a bit concerned as I have been here before...all fired up with change...and then BAM! Something happens...and I tailspin into a full blown binge, to be followed by a moment of peace, then infiltrated with guilt, shame, degredation and all types of other things...that hungry psychos go thru. But for some reason...I dont feel the same way this time. Something no matter how minute is different. Maybe because for the first time...I have not given myself a time limit. I dont care how long it takes--(well I wish it oculd happen in 2 weeks!) but I just want it done. And if it takes a year or more...then so be it. I will get there. One faithful day at a time.