Sang...like no ones listening!

I can sing. I'm not the greatest...but I have a very nice voice. And I know what to do with it. How to use it. But if someone were to ask me to sing...I get all bashful and embarrased and decline...FIRMLY! As me and embarrassmennt are a sensitive mix. I dont like that feeling..AT ALL!! I dont seem to get over embarrassment the way most people seem to. It really STICKS...I can remember almost everything, if not EVERY moment that I have ever been embarrassed. When I have ever went out...no matter how hypnotic the music was...or how drunk I got...I could never let go and just become one with the music...body and spirit. If you ask me to think of a solution or a plan...I will happily assist you with that...but to express something other than my thought processes is a terrifying thought to me. It FRIGHTENS THE BE-HAYSOOS out of me!!! Why? Well it would require me to be in a vulnerable positon. What would people say about my dance technique? What if they noticed that I couldnt dance like a professional? (as if?) What if they noticed that I didnt sing like Whitney or Aretha? (double as if?) Then what? I would feel embarrassed...how dare I even try to do anything that people out there can do better? Is this weird? It sounds like it...but this is how I feel. Sigh! Well on my way home from work...I SING! My heart out...sometimes I even cry while doing it...because something in me just lets go..and tho scary the feeling is overwhelming and GOOD. Sometimes its the song...a lot of times its just emotions that seem to be freed when I really sing with all I've got. Good or bad, pitchy or not. Just the act of doing something with all I've got...with passion and unabandon...feels SOO GOOOD! I often imagine that I am being this way in front of people that I know...but honestly I dont see that ever happening. When I dance...yes stiffly--and circa '85...I feel so good!! So confident, and I understand the fact that practice makes perfect...at home of course. I could never do that in public...cuz even tho it should be about me and what I want to do...its not. Its about what people are thinking about me...Do they think I've got some nerve to even try to dance? Sigh I dont want to choose what I do based on what I "think" others are thinking. But this behaviour is so deeply ingrained in me...and I have such a fear attached to it. I dont even think I want to write this. How dare I admit that I have insecurities? How dare I make myself open to criticism and ridicule? Or maybe its quite possible that I am opening myself up...to understanding and encouragement? Could it be that this world is not as rough as I think it is? Am I looking at my world thru shit colored glasses? Ha ha...could be huh?