02 March, 2007

What am I afraid of?

I am a writer. Dont know if I will ever publish any books or start the magazine that I plan on doing. Probably will...but I dont know. This blog is a good thing for me. I get to express myself in the way that is most comfortable for me...WONDERFUL WORDS!! I LOVE them. They are the bomb. I love reading blogs just to see what other people are doing in their lives...but I hesitate when it comes to really share something that up until recently, I have held very close and personal...my life. At first glance...I just thought I didnt share because I dont do much. I work, play with my son, spend time with my man...and THINK. Which I shouldnt discount, because it takes up A LOT of my day. Using my mind...IS MOST of my LIFE! Could be a problem...as a matter of fact probably is...but this is where I am right now. Very mental at the expense of actually living my life. I believe (against my best wishes) that if actually put myself into making this blog...REAL (for lack of a better word) that it could be very therapeutic for me...Maybe I wont be so afraid of being my WHOLE self in real life. Maybe I can come to grips with the fact that maybe I am not really a bad person at all...and maybe there are other people out there...that actually FEEL ME. And if not..at the very least...I can unload this shit off my chest. Maybe getting it out is all I need to do to find...rest. I hope so...I am actually terrified at the "thought" of putting pictures of my life...and goals and dreams...innermost thoughts, and life lessons. Somehow it makes me feel too accountable...what if I fail? And the whole world has the opportunity to see it? Not that a lot of people read my blog, lol. By the way thanks Monnie and Shai!!! Yall made my day! Monica...you are my first "reply"!!! Sweet huh? Well it was to me. Well I guess my project for this weekend is to add photos and real stuff...hope I dont chicken out...sigh! Til later. Love.

2 comments:

Shai said...

Keelah, what part of the D do you stay? I know folks who are in a few writing groups here.

Ms. Keelah, just write. Write whatever you want. Research the industry. Join bookclubs, writing clubs.

I got published in Essence and was so surprised. I used to think who would read my stuff and folks really love my poetry. I used to be so self-conscious. Then I let og and now I am working on learning how to publish a book as I work on my poetry collections.

Keelah said...

Shai...I am on the west side, Grandriver/Greenfield area. And there are writing clubs here??? That is awesome. I have been here my whole life and it is AMAZING all of the things that I dont know about our city! Congratulations and good luck on your book...Cant wait to read it!