Fired UP!

I am so HOT right now!!! I have finally figured it out. Without goals you just float around wishing for things. You hope they happen. You practice having faith that things will work out. And while all these things are fine and good, and very necessary at times, they are not propelling me in the way I would like to go. I come on here and I moan and complain, vent and ponder...and thats all good. It is what it is...but nothing and I mean NO-THING in my life is going to change until I get my azz out of my mind and into my body, into my LIFE and make the shit happen. There is only so much to be said for being aimed in the right direction...if you dont draw back the bow and fire the arrow, then can you ever be satisfied with the "view" of what you want? I asked myself that question and the answer is HELL NO!

I am sick and tired of telling myself I am 'headed in the right direction'. I'm tired of being headed...I need to be THERE...so that I can feel that feelings of drive and determination, passion and success. YOu dont get to possess those by "thinking" about life all the time. Besides, I know that once I make it 'there' my view will allow me to see an even broader view of life, and create desires to strive for even more...but that will never come to pass if I keep spinning myself in circles, making myself dizzy. All I'm really doing is losing mySELF in own shit! And I swear...I.AM.DONE!

I am done making long unachieveable lists of things that I think I "should" be doing, or achieving, or having. I am going to look at my damn life and let it tell me what the next step is. Cuz truth be told, while I want all this extracurricular plush shit, my reality is...that until I can grab hold of my finances and my thoughts about what I can have, I wil have no more, if not less than what I have now. I need to prove that I can successfully handle this before I am blessed with any more. I mean for real, if I am overwhelmed and stupefied off of this, then do I really expect that God would load my plate any more???

I am done trying to think about shopping and external adornment, when its evident that I am not on top of SELF CARE. I mean...external should reflect whats inside, not be a shallow attempt at hiding it. I dont want to look nice so that noone can look beyond and see that I am hurting and out of control in my life. I want to look nice because I Love myself deeply and its a natural outpouring of that love.

I am done trying to create the fantasy world in my mind out of thin air...I am working with THIS LIFE! Thats it...its all I really have. As far as I know, I dont get another life. This one could very well be it! But, I dont appreciate this day because I'm not who I want to be or where I want to be? Who else can I be? Where else can I be? No damn where...so today I have chosen the things that are most important to my life NOW...and I will be building my LIFE-STYLE around making these things work. The good life is not a destination...its a series of choices that support and enhance my original choice. True FABULOUSNESS! And by-golly....why not me??? Today, I cant think of one good reason why not! How bout that?