Truest Trust

Is the trust for self. This is the lesson that my Self is trying to teach me right now. I am definately fighting the message, but it is being reiterated to me almost every day. I have so many goals, that I have not achieved. Not because they were too big for me, or because I didnt plan them out properly, but because I didnt follow through on the "execution". That is a BIG problem in my life. I can make the WORLDS GREATEST PLANS", but when it comes time to do the actual what I perceive as grunt work, goals tend to fall gracefully to the wayside. And one more failure is added to the list.

Up until now, they have sat there at my feet. Beckonning for my attention, but I just step over them (just like I did the mail that day that I got went off on by my S.O.) But regressing...I think about my dreams and goals almost every minute, because once desire for something is truly in your heart...you can deny it all you want, but it will remain there until it comes into manifestation, or until you can truly let it go. In my case, it has been neither. So I finally asked myself...why dont I believe in myself and my ability to "have" what I want? Because after asking the initial hundred questions...that is what it all boils down to.

And the answer that came from a place beyond me responded...because you do not trust yourself. Now that sounds strange to me...how can one not trust themselves?...and then I just sat with that question and my day played itself out for me...from a very untrusting perspective. I learned a lot.

The biggest procratstination has been on my heatlh and fitness goals. I used to believe it to be possible to change...but then somewhere along my ascension through obesity...I stopped believing. All of a sudden, the possiblity of change was no longer real for me. Even though there is always a quiet voice that encourages me to believe otherwise. Yesterday while I sat alone with my thoughts...I felt challenged to do 15 girl push-ups! I thought it impossible. My body is still very weak from giving birth...I knew I couldnt do it. I thought...I can build up to it. The voice told me...that I could do it NOW! And this is just a small example of how my mind deflects itself from the truth in order for me to think I'm "right". So I made up a few more reasons not to even try. But at the end of them all...none were good enough, I mean I was already on the floor, for Gods sake!! So I aligned myself shakily on my wrists, which I was sure would crumble under the weight of my hefty-ish upper half...and do you know what??? I did TWENTY of those bad boys--NO PROBLEM! (slowly and with proper form, might I add?) Pat! Pat! Even when I wanted to stop...which I did...I just remembered that SOMEONE someWHERE thought I could do it...so If I trusted in that...I probably could. And I did!!! So that voice...is the truth. And it would behoove me to pay attention to it. It tells me all kinds of things I am afraid to accept as truth, but that would enrich my life like nothing else. LIke I am beautiful, capable, loved, important, by design, and on the right path. Yeah...I'm good people! You are too! Hope we are having a great Monday!