You know what I want?

I want to be in mediation with God late at night, after my children are asleep. I want to have the loving energy of God wash over and throughout me, cleansing me of all my fear, insecurity, foolish desires, cloudy vision, hurt, pain, selfishness, judgement...blah blah blah. I know that a cleansing of this magnitude will probably be what we call painful. I will want to stop, and run back to the familiarity of the my life, but I will pray that God doesnt give in to my fear...and keeps going. Please ignore my cries and continue to purge all this 'hurt' from my mind, body, and soul. I will writhe and cry from the emotions that resurface. But I lived through them once...its okay to feel them again as they get ready to leave my consciousness. Once its complete, I will have that 'knowing' that I dont have to suffer through my past again. I will have that moment of clarity and peace that only happens after one goes thru such a transcendent experience. I will be exhausted, but joyfull. I will drift off into THE MOST restfull sleep one could imagine. I will dream vividly, and my body will be safe in the emcompassing warmth of God. His voice will whisper truth in my soul. I will feel His GOODNESS...permeating in and beyond my physical body. I will finally be at rest, knowing that He is real...and that love that I have fantasized about for SOO LONG is real also. And just like I had always heard, is ever present and always available to those who seek it. And I knocked, unto me it was opened and I have it. I AM it!