Growing up

My son cant drink soda...but occassionally I do.
My son cant eat lots of sweets, but I do.
My son cannot eat just because he sees food, but I do.
My son must rest during the day and be physically active during the day to maintain his health...but I dont.
There are times when I am gorging on things not-so-good for me and my man asks me why I am eating it in front of him (knowing he will want some)...and I answer just because he sees me eating it doesnt mean he is getting some. I'm grown! And that is true. I will tempt him with the devil then deny him. It just occurred to me how twisted this is. He is watching me "indulge" in something that I am obviously enjoying, yet not allowing him to enjoy with me. If I wont let his little body be tainted by the poisons that is gas station fare...then why do I allow the same for his mother? What kind of message is that sending him? What is he learning from me? Right now....just that I'm mean. But later on, he is going to recognize that I am not treating myself very well, yet I expect for him to treat himself well. He will immediately notice the disparity between my words and actions. I dont want my son to think I am fake. So now...I have the motivation to do what needs to be done. I cannot live one way and preach another. It wasnt good enough for me as a child, and it is not going to be good enough for my children. The cycle must end NOW. Its not fair for children to grow up and have to interpret whats real. Not at home. So this is my official resignation of being unconscious with the treatment of myself. Noone knows what I want or need but me. But there are two people watching my every move, learning how to treat me and themselves and if I cant do it for me...then is IS DONE for them! No BULLSHITTING.