Financial Fitness

This weekend was EXHAUSTING! I actually sat down and went through bags of mail that I have been avoiding for almost two years. I know I dont ever have extra money, so when I see a bill...I usually look at it, sigh, then put it in a pile to be taken care of later. Later was almost two years for most things...some even more. Have you ever looked at shit that you put aside. Things that intimidate you, threaten to choke you. It was very emotional. I saw things about myself that I just didnt like. And for the first time, I had to REALLY face my denial. My inability to see the truth that sits right in front of me, surrounds me, drowning me. I looked at how MANY duplicate invoices I had. How many times, they tried to contact me to get me to be honorable and hold up my end of the bargain. How many times had I said FUCK YOU! I got what I wanted. Now if I hit the lottery, I'll pay you...but until then GET OFF MY BACK, DAMN! I mean I had NERVE. There were even some invoices in there that were in the area of $20.00. I didnt pay something that was TWENTY DOLLARS!! I ruined my credit for chump change??? . I felt so ashamed. I felt sad, angry, and a whole host of other emotions. It took forever. But it was eye-opening. It let me know a lot about who I am, and helped me have a starting point to who I want to be. I am so excited about this. Progress is GOOD! That was the hard part...taking off the mask and looking at myself. Acknowledging my ignorance, and a H-U-G-E character flaw on my part is so freeing. NOW I have a choice. Before I acted on conditioned responses and beliefs. NOW I have the courge to look honestly at my situation, and find a solution. I owe quite a lot more than my guestimate from my last credit report, but it is still feasible that with my current income, I will be able to pay off half of it this year. AND da-da-da DOM!! The best part, I will still be able to live. I will cut corners, but I can definately DO THIS! And the REAL best part, is that I am setting my boys and my family up on a road that will lead us to be free of cosumer debt and help us to form a healthy relationship with money and abundance. Yay!! Happy Monday! :)