Hmph! What do I know? Absolutely nothing

Secretly I always thought I would I be a baby mama to someone. I dont know why...could be because thats what I saw the most growing up. Not necessarily your typical got pregnant by anybody and had the baby, but marriages that didnt last or just happily ever afters, that had an after that...N-E who! I always in the back of my mind pictured this reality for myself. However after these past 2 days...Yes it only took two to break me. I-am-NOT-built- for- that! I have to give so much credit to women who do this. Yall are SO STRONG! It is not easy to raise a child anyway, but to do it alone....Dude! I dont want to overexxagerate and make it seem like I'm falling apart at the seams, (I am) but I am WELL AWARE of the impact that two parents have on the child and on each others well being. I never had to put off a shower or literally work in the midnight hours to get things done for the next day. Might be the life of most mothers...but this was NOT my reality. What I didnt do, my man did. When I needed a break take a shower, or just chill for a minute...he was there. A lot of times, I just got to do what I needed because they were just enjoying each others company and that freed me up to roam the house. (these comments not applicable during basketball season) However...this new life is a WHOLE NUDDER thing. Showers have to get in where they fit in. Nothing seems leisure...its all a damn rush! All the time! I cant just zone out...because while I'm zoning he is rolling or crawling or putting something in his mouth. Dude....I miss my man-desperately. I dont need to enjoy my energies no more! They're mine right...I can chill with them all day! I just want my partner back. This is not fun. Yeah Yeah...I know. Its gone make me stronger and all that bull. (I cant believe I formed my fingers to type that shit--being all hype over this, as I called it freedom! hmph! ) I miss life when I had someone to share all these lovely experiences with. And all the diapers and baths, and tantrums, and smiles, and jokes, new sounds, and toes in my chest at 2AM....YES my son is back sleeping with me...cuz if he dont sleep with me...I DONT SLEEP! And yall...I am rugged enough already... I needs me sleep. Maybe its harder because I am pregnant and already at an energy deficit...but I swear...the appreciation factor just skyrocketed again! For both my man...and my mother. I try to sound like its business as usual...but yall. I-am-not-feeling-this. To all mothers out there who make it do what it do...I congratulate you! You are the bomb forever...and I pray that your children appreciate all that you do!