Random Thank-full-ness

I am still waiting for permission. I am still waiting on God to come and save my life. Didnt he already do that? I mean I AM HERE, right?! Correct me if I'm wrong...but is it crazy to pray every day for a more fulfilled life, but ignore the plethora of opportunities that come forward to help me live the best life that I can. Is it insane to pray for better and more honest relationships, then hold in what is in my heart to say or do...because I am uncomfortable expressing. Isnt it strange to say...God help me to keep your peace in my heart?...but then every time something comes along to try and steal that peace, I just forfeit. Give up quick and let the anger, hurt, guilt, depression or whatever other faces the devil wears just take over. Have free reign of my life. Well...I am going to go ahead and accept the PERMISSION GRANTED! Sometimes I get so caught up in "head stuff" that I dont even acknowlege how good life is becoming...right before my eyes. I refuse to see how much I have changed, and how upon close examination...my entire life has changed. No...not drastically. But there is marked joy in times and places where there was once only worry. There is more honestly in places where there was only avoidance. There is patience where there was frustration. And I feel hopeful about some things that I used to feel totally pessimistic about. I have belly laughed more times in the past week, than I did the past year. Life is feeling pretty good right now. See God...I AM paying attention. (smile) And I'm thankful that I came with the built in currency. I love you. And I thank you. And as I say every night...please continue to help me open up and receive You in all your Glory! Take the parts of me that are afraid and hold them. Comfort them. Love them and help me to do the same. I am willing. Beyond my fear...I AM WILLING! Beyond my doubt...I AM willing. Beyond what I can see and so far beyond my wildest dreams...God, I am willing! Please...Use me! I am worthy. I am ready...to let go. Everything that I focus on I pray it is elevated to fulfill what YOU want. I am willing to lay my ego down to rest...she's tired anyway. Ha ha...Love. First and Always. K