Fast forward a few days (months) I am pregnant again...and I.WAS.TERRIFIED. Life is better for me this time...as I have a CLOSE relationship with my crazy mama, have a HEALING relationship with my man, and by bout with post-partum hopefully is a wrap. But I am scared. At the time my son was only 5 months and my mind is racing with what are we going to do? How am I going to have TWO LITTLE BABIES. This friend knew my feelings and offered me the whole "God" thing like a good practicing Chrisitan is supposed to...but I felt something underneath. Choosing to ignore that I continued through this experience just relying on my families support and encouragement and my sons faith in me. I feel the distance growing between us with every remark disguised as a "joke". I dont really know how to tell her that the things she says are affecting me. As I think a friend would know. The idea of ME being a parent was one that I wrestled with the ENTIRE time I was pregnant the first time around...and you KNOW this...however when YES by my actions and my choice I am going thru it again...you have total disregard for my feelings during this time. I am closing up. I dont want sympathy...because through all the changes of the last two years...I am AWARE that becoming a parent is the single most AWESOME thing that has or ever and will ever happen to me. There is nothing in this world that can compare. I am so thankful for my children and EACH and every experience that the birth of my motherhood has brought to me. No matter how painful (or how much I complained), I am deeply appreciative for the sacred knowledge that only one who has felt the movement of life INSIDE them could know.
sidebar-{And I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL, God. Cuz I know it wasnt my honey's sperm that got me pregnant. It was you. Kudos. Job well done. Hopefully you think the same...}
Anyway...being this as it is...I am still deeply hurt by the changes in this friend. And just in case you are wondering...could it be that I have changed?? Yep! Sure have. The world is mostly about me and my baby now. I have withdrawn...not being funny acting, but just because my attention is constantly drawn to me...I DO have a BABY growing inside of me!!! I do care about whats going on around me...but not as deeply as whats going on within me...as I grow as a mother and a mother to be. This is LIFE CHANGING. I am dying (LITERALLY) as this new being is being birthed. It is nothing short of AMAZING! It is one of lifes true miracles. And most people understand this...and offer me encouragment and if they KNOW then guidance. Not smart azz comments. Am I being too sentimental?? Dont think so....I'm just NOT feeling this. Mood: Happy cuz I'm eating!! :D Sad: cuz another one bites the dust!
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6 comments:
girl...i FEEL u on this one!!! it's CRAZY how instead of being uplifters, most people like to put others down especially those who may already be going thru a tough time.
keep it movin...u aint got no time for somebody tryna slide insults in on you...
xoxoxo
now you know what I am going to say. You need to let your "friend" know that the things she's saying are insulting and irritating. This can all be done with kind words...because I feel that the more pregnant you become...the more insults/"jokes" yuo are going to hear//
What I have grown to realize is that when I grow, other folks pro'lly won't like it or support it. I have let friends go and friendships drift on due to this as well. A part of you is dying. Your friend won't woman up and say it out loud, that she misses that part that is dying. She has decided to be resentful and in a passive aggressive way, ugly with her so-called jokes. When she "jokes" again, call her A#$ on it and ask her what's up. Either she will woman up then or move on. Take. Care. Of. You. First.
Nikita aka kitadiva
i have to be honest, sometimes people are truly IGNORANT to the fact that they wear us down. i know i've dealt with tons of friends who irked the hell out of me and i would endure them then get off the phone and bitch to my husband. then one day he said, the next time they call, tell them how you feel or i will.
p.s. hugs to you :)
Girl, I know how you feel. There is always a sense of loss when you outgrow your friends. Unfortunately, that happens when you grow and they are comfortable where they are in life. Most people can not handle the mirror of truth shining in their face and will turn away or lash out at it. Keep growing...you'll make new friends along the way of your journey.
Peace sis. All I can say is, garbage in garbage OUT. A friend is not a friend if they behave that way. Let it go, move on, be happy and blessed. Glad I ran across ur page. Peace.
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