Where are my limits?

I have this problem right? It keeps showing up in my personal relationships, my finances (especially here), my eating habits and my spending habits...I dont know where my limits are. Some times my limits are held close to me. An example of that would be the fact that I yearn for more intimacy from the depths of my soul, but I cant allow myself to enter that realm with anyone else. And if I do...I have to keep away from that person, lest I panic. Other times, my limits appear to be much too broad for whats real. I overspend. A LOT! Always. It is a trait of mine that is as old as I...and I hate it. I hate that I want to live carefree and have no regard for money...well I dont hate that so much as it is a natural thing for me to desire this lifestyle. I hate that I cannot. I hate that what I want...I cannot always have. And when I do allow myself to have it...it is being taken from something else. Why do I not ever seem to have enough? Why cant I have enough money to cover my needs, living expenses, recreation, personal things...and have enough to save? Why cant I have enough money to get my car fixed when it needs it...AND have money to get my sons pictures and groceries for us to eat? Why? Now mind you...i get by. and better than most, I am aware and for that I am vaguely grateful. But its hard to be really appreciative, when even though I have more than some....I dont have enough to satisfy MY goals. in MY life! Sigh! No matter where my limits are, they are nevertheless not where I would like them to be. I feel like such a brat for wanting more...but this is me. This is now. And I do not have enough. Is it my belief in lack that is creating it? Perpetuating it? Could it be that my circumstances are the "result" of my thoughts and not the other way around...like I really want to believe. I will work on this. Because the idea of that just came to me in the middle of a vent, and I've been here long enough to know that I should pay attention. Thank you. I love you.