I am inspired...

I am so excited!!! I have lost motivation for a lot of things lately. Well not lately. Its been a progressive decline of caring about things that used to matter so much to me for the past few years. At first I called the bitch depression, now I relize its more accurate to say that I have been living with an opressor. Cuz the problem is never very far from me...ironically neither is the solution. I was in the car talking to myself yesterday (nope havent gotten my car speakers fixed yet...so!) And I was thinking about how often my mom complains that I let myself go...I look at myself. And I'm not SO disappointed with what I see. I mean yes, I could do my hair daily..yes I could keep my nails polished with my crystal clear coat that I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE. Yes I could keep my brows done (and not just reserved for vacations). Yes I can alwayz have me toes tight...Yes I could iron daily...these are things that used to be givens for me...but now its hard pressing to get them done. Why??...partially because of the fatigue factor of back to back pregnancies. I used to try and tell myself that was an excuse...but dude. I am straight up narcoleptic lately. My mind is going...and normally I would think thats kinda fun...but I'm grown and have RESPONSBILITIES!!! and such...anyway...I was pondering how I tried to tell myself that the things I was beating myself up about were superficial...and then my wise and loving self said...they were not superficial. They were bare minimums for my physical confidence in this physical world. I would not be able to concentrate on anything else until I satisfied those urges. They are valid...and are of EXTREME IMPORTANCE. There is a certain standard that I hold myself to...and as of late I have been finding any reason or justification to relinquish control of that satizfation ...only I didnt give it up to anyone else...I just plain dropped the ball. And so now my consciousness is OBSESSED. I am obsessed with my lack of personal care...Please dont confuse this with hygiene...I mean they go hand and hand...but I still washes me ass and brushes me teeth. but I have not strived. I stopped caring...well not really...I just stopped BEING ME. long story short...I went to a website for natural hair that reminded me what it is that I am. And how good it feels to represent that...ALL THE TIME! I'm hoping that I dont get all fired up...and then fall my ass to sleep as soon as I get home...hahahsee but at least the fire is reignited!!! Now I remember what it is that makes me feel so good everyday...it was loving myself enough to put forth the effort to make myself FEEL loved. And taken care of. And appreciated and celebrated and all that good stuff. Its the care that makes what other people give me...icing. I cant wait! I deserve this...we all do. And now I remember...Thank you so much...Prayers really do get answered...Now lets see can I close the circuit by doing my damn hair tonight!