I am NOT my family!

Why oh WHY is this concept so DIFFICULT for me to really accept??? My family is great (in their own little way). I mean...who doesnt have things about their family that they wish were different? But you grow up...try to learn to stop blaming them...accept responsiblity for your own life...and blah blah blah. But I had a reveleation in the shower. I still live a LOT, and when I say lot,I mean LOT!!!! of my life based on what I THINK my role was or is in my family. Its the weirdest thing ever...Some things that I remember coming natural to me...FEEL so foreign now, because after years of ridicule (that apparently I havent released) I am almost ashamed to let parts of myself BE FREE! I thought my mom was in the shower with me...saying I was taking too long because I was shaving my legs and using my loofah...and adding my Oil of Olay body lotion. I heard her voice...saying "Why are you doing all that?" and "You are taking too long...Don't nobody care about all that".

But I do.

I almost hurried myself up...until I realized, Thank GOD!, I was in the shower alone...and that voice was just a ghost of my PAST! It was the craziest thing ever...because...it was then that it REALLY HIT MY AZZ IN A POTENT WAY! I am NOT my family. Never have been...I like aromatherapy, yoga, energy work. I own more books than movies...and I prefer it like that. I shave hairy things...I bathe for the hell of it! I used to spend hours "experimenting" with my hair. Yep! Just to pull it back in a ponytail the next day, but...Hey!? I can also stare at myself in the mirror for HOURS...you never know when you may need a certain "look". I set moods in my room...JUST FOR ME! I practice putting on my clothes sexily...haha shhhh dont tell nobody! BTW NO that ISH does NOT work being 8 months pregnant! Almost broke my damn neck this morning! :) But all in all, the point is...that I am NOT necessarily doomed to live out the character that I grew up playing. I can be ME! ALL DAY LONG! :D