Earth Child

I love the sky
I LOVE the moon
I love midnight blue skies in silence
I love bodies of water...and puddles alike
I love trees
I love wind on my face
I love the smell of fresh cut grass
I love the feeling of the sun on my skin
I love gray skies
I love thunderstorms
I love bloody skies...I just love all skies, really.
I love fire--its grace, its warmth, its power to mold, transform or to destroy
I love love LOVE this planet! Thank you for all of the beauty that you surround us with every moment of every day!

I am inspired...

I am so excited!!! I have lost motivation for a lot of things lately. Well not lately. Its been a progressive decline of caring about things that used to matter so much to me for the past few years. At first I called the bitch depression, now I relize its more accurate to say that I have been living with an opressor. Cuz the problem is never very far from me...ironically neither is the solution. I was in the car talking to myself yesterday (nope havent gotten my car speakers fixed yet...so!) And I was thinking about how often my mom complains that I let myself go...I look at myself. And I'm not SO disappointed with what I see. I mean yes, I could do my hair daily..yes I could keep my nails polished with my crystal clear coat that I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE. Yes I could keep my brows done (and not just reserved for vacations). Yes I can alwayz have me toes tight...Yes I could iron daily...these are things that used to be givens for me...but now its hard pressing to get them done. Why??...partially because of the fatigue factor of back to back pregnancies. I used to try and tell myself that was an excuse...but dude. I am straight up narcoleptic lately. My mind is going...and normally I would think thats kinda fun...but I'm grown and have RESPONSBILITIES!!! and such...anyway...I was pondering how I tried to tell myself that the things I was beating myself up about were superficial...and then my wise and loving self said...they were not superficial. They were bare minimums for my physical confidence in this physical world. I would not be able to concentrate on anything else until I satisfied those urges. They are valid...and are of EXTREME IMPORTANCE. There is a certain standard that I hold myself to...and as of late I have been finding any reason or justification to relinquish control of that satizfation ...only I didnt give it up to anyone else...I just plain dropped the ball. And so now my consciousness is OBSESSED. I am obsessed with my lack of personal care...Please dont confuse this with hygiene...I mean they go hand and hand...but I still washes me ass and brushes me teeth. but I have not strived. I stopped caring...well not really...I just stopped BEING ME. long story short...I went to a website for natural hair that reminded me what it is that I am. And how good it feels to represent that...ALL THE TIME! I'm hoping that I dont get all fired up...and then fall my ass to sleep as soon as I get home...hahahsee but at least the fire is reignited!!! Now I remember what it is that makes me feel so good everyday...it was loving myself enough to put forth the effort to make myself FEEL loved. And taken care of. And appreciated and celebrated and all that good stuff. Its the care that makes what other people give me...icing. I cant wait! I deserve this...we all do. And now I remember...Thank you so much...Prayers really do get answered...Now lets see can I close the circuit by doing my damn hair tonight!

New Ahleans Cuisine

I ate CRAWFISH! Was good! I ate shrimp that had legs and eyeballs on it! Crab legs, lobsters- Was good! Normally wouldnt eat this...but on this particular day...I had been left at the hotel ALL DAY with no food...so I got to crushing shells and chewing meat like the best of em' Ate Gumbo! Was THE BEST! I had seafood gumbo, steak gumbo and turkey sausage gumbo--ALL OF WHICH WERE the BEST FOODS I have EVER TASTED!!!! EVER. I ate at a ghetto place called Manchus--the best DAMN fried chicken I have EVER HAD! I got over my fear of the area as I ate there twice. And had enough for my middle of the night binges...err um snacks! I ate indian food! Never again. Wasnt good...wasnt awful...but not to me likin. Ate McDonalds...just like everywhere else I had tasted it...which is weird and made me think of just how 'scientific' their flavor is. How the hell can any food taste the same damn way no matter where you get it? I am really working on not eating fast food anymore. Cuz that is just...weird! Loved the New Ahleans food. The best was some chicken that my man made! Boy do I miss his cooking! Havent gotten on a scale...but Im sure I did a good 5-10. Sigh! Yes in only 4 days! But I did do a lot of walking...yep! Thats my justificatin and I'm sticking to it!

I'm having....

ONE LITTLE BOY! I was in disbelief over the little penis! For real! I have been saying 'she' for the longest...but He is definately ALL MALE! Everything looks good...he is HUGE! He is already a pound...and he waved at us during the ultrasound. He has really big feet too! His profile looks just like mine! I cant wait to meet him face to face! He is LONG! I'm going to stop eating so much before I have one of those 8 lb. babies that I fear! Well gotta go try and work...(after I visit yall spots of course ;) I'll be back...I know I still havent written about my trip yet...but its just so long...and I'm so lazy. I HAVE to figure out how to get pics off my camera into this site...I have about 6 pictures that could completely sum up the trip! Catch yall later!

I'm back...

and tied as HELL! Somehow we made a 17 hour drive into a 28 hour one! And still I managed to drag myself in today! I will write about the trip later. It was AWESOME! And yeah...We left late enough for me to make my ultrasound...well until tomorrow! Hope you all had a great weekend!

Waaahhhh!

My doc just called and set up my ultrasound for tomorrow afternoon at 2:15..and I am going to be somewhere in Ohio by then. They actually got the ultrasound for the very next business day, cuz doc thinks she is so sure!!! I want to postpone the trip...but we have a long trip ahead of us...and I really misses the Nardster! I have to wait until the 10th! I am so excited!! I would love to go tomorrow and take the good news (or better news) to the boot with me...but instead it will be as I expected...the following week! I am trippin!!! I hope its just one! And I pray that I can maintain a semblence of sanity and grace if there are more than one. May the Good Lord be with us all!

Hearing Double???

I went to the doc on friday...for a regular prenatal exam. I am excited because this is the one where we schedule my ultrasound!!! So we talk...about my 8 lb. weight gain!!! Yep in just FOUR WEEKS. Girl been eating GOOD! OR not...perspective I guess...any way we get to the listening of the heartbeat...and to both our surprise it is LOUD AS MINE!! I'm lookin at her and she's looking at me...I'm thinking..."wow this baby is not shy at all...its like right behing my skin!!" She said..."that's pretty loud huh?". Then she drops the biggest bomb ever on me! I'm going to schedule your ultrasound for next week, I think youre having TW...TW....TWINS!!! [insert open space here] She said...you were feeling movement at 8 weeks! Your tummy is a bit larger than normal, your weight gain IS EXCESSIVE...and I have a set of twins that I am about to deliver next month...and this sounds just like their simultaneous heartbeat. [insert mental picture of me slapping this big ass smile off her face]. She goes on to tell me how she is SO EXCITED!! And she is just grinning from ear to ear! Then the baby kicked...and it sounded SO LOUD! She's like...Wow! They're playing! hahaha So I am not going to freak until after my U/S...It cant be this week because I wont be here, but since she is putting a rush on it, it should be early next week. [EXHALE] Wow! My man sounded excited! My mom is excited. And sadly...I'm wondering will I be able to afford a tummy tuck. Cuz I know that twins are going to rip my shapely abdomen to shreds! Oh yeah...and all the thoughts of having THREE BABIES IN DIAPERS!!! Me!! Three kids!! in DIAPERS!!! bwahahahhahaa God DOES have a sense of humor! He wants me to go crazy early in life, I guess! Well until next week...