Good News!!!

I have been depressed for about 22 years now. I am 28 years old. At first I just ignored it, then when the load became too heavy, I stewed in it and allowed it to take over my mind. This affected my body and continued to suffocate my spirit. Then as I learned more about life, I began to try and understand it. Trying to understnad dysfuntion just fills your mind with more dysfunction. Finally I accepted it. I have a depressive personality, is what I chose to believe. I believed that for MOST of my life!!!

Then I realized that what lots of people said was true, I really do have a CHOICE in how I am in life! I started reading things that were along the lines of what I wanted to believe. I started to monitor myself, which has proven to make the BIGGEST impact in my life! I regularly checked in with my feelings, my thoughts, my intentions and tried my best not to judge myself too harshly for the things that I didnt like about myself. I journaled. I practice conscious eating. I try to refrain from complaining, and I am a CHRONIC complimenter. I seek beauty everywhere, and when I cant find it, I look up at the sky. That is one thing that is ALWAYS beautiful and AWE INSPIRING!!! I meditate daily, share my journey with a friend who is traveling the same path as I. I have distanced myself from the WOE IS ME' folk. And the results are AMAZING!!! (Unbeleivable, had I not known the darkness of depression first hand.)

Without much effort on the weightloss area of my life I have lost 17 lbs since May 1st. My relationship with my man is DRAMATICALLY IMPROVED, my self esteem is at the very least normal, but dare I say...soaring!!! I have more energy, less stress, more patience, less worry. My mood swings still happen, but the difference is, I'm not at their mercy. The moment I catch myself, I can CHOOSE differently!!! I can!!!

There is a crack in the foundation of whatever had me tied to my depression. I KNOW it is there. There is an opening of light, where there was one only cloudy darkeness. There is lightness where there was once heaviness. There is appreciation where there was once only negativity. There is hope where there was once only despair. I dont want to go on and on, but to live life from this perspective is so encouraging!!! I KNOW that one day soon, I will be completely free of this stuff, and all the stuff that it attracted as a result. I am MORE THAN WILLING TO LET THAT GARBAGE GO!! And the proof is evident in my life! There is something else along the ride of my life with me. And in that space, life is GOOD!

I didnt even notice the depression lifting until I blogged answers to questions and my answers were completely contrary to any belief I had before. I am comfortable with my 206 lb frame. I used to be in despair at 175. Haha youth! I am fine with myself, just the way I am. I'm really okay.

Thank you God. I have been faithful, and you have answered as you said you would. I promise to ALWAYS know you and never be brand new again. I promise to be all that I can at any given day, because you are. I will not go back to livng life as a leaf in the wind. I promise to be rooted in you. Your are my substance and my nourishment. I LOVE LOVE LOVE you. And thanks to you, I LOVE LOVE LOVE me too! okay. I'm so grateful! Amen!