Got me some new 'skins baby!

What can I say about Parenthood? Its GREAT! I was very concerned early on, because I constantly questioned myself and my ability to handle this job. I worked myself up in a tizzy for every mistake I made, as if??? It was going to be the last. I had many sleepless nights asking God what in His green earth could he have been thinking to give me children, because while I have always felt 'motherly', it wasnt until I had children that I truly understood what it was to be maternal.

As time went on, I continued to pray about it. And not that pray to sound spiritual, but seriously...bare my soul, ask and listen for the answer, because even in my haze (of depression--haha), I knew that there is little else that I can do in this world that can compare to MOTHERHOOD. Nothing. It is my Zenith. It is my salvation. My kids are literally my saving grace, every day. They are the force that makes it possible for me to change. Not that I couldnt, but for them...I AM. It is so crazy to be in the midst of change and have the perspective to recognize it as that. Usually, life moves so fast that I dont realize what happened until I am out of the thick of it, and have that refractory period, where the winds have calmed and THEN I can see and understand what happened. But life NOW is in the present tense. I am literally changing as I type. And its AWESOME!!!!

I had this view of being a mom, as pure MARTYRDOM! I would settle for nothing less...I would spend myself until there was nothing left, if it meant that my children would be happy and provided for. However upon laying my feet on this holy ground, I realize that I dont have to do that at all. All I HAVE to do is stay black and die! Both of those will happen without any extra effort on my part! HAHA!

Being a parent is easy. Not without challenges, I have had to adjust my life and my ways of thinking constantly, but once the groove is found, then life and parenthood...FLOWS! And its quite lovely. I have learned to LOVE LOVE LOVE housework! And anyone who knows me...KNOWS that is Strange City FOR REAL! I love the feeling of accomplishement in my household. A few of my new passions...Having bottles made for the day, having all the cloths cleaned and folded and neatly arranged, making my sons SMILE from ear to ear, dancing with my kids and daddy! Having laundry done regularly, keeping health-full foods for my fam to eat, spending TIME together! I am really loving life right now.

Fun stuff: Jeremiah (16 mos. is beginning potty training!) He is so awesome! He loves to dance and tell jokes that only we can understand, but still HILARIOUS! He is learning his colors and body parts....got the NOSE down pat. He goes around touching everybodys nose now!

Xavien (nearly 3 mos.) smiles often, very laid back style. He sleeps through the night most nights and is just a PLEASURE to be around. He is curious and uber strong for such a young person. He is trying to talk already! He just babbles and coos and has an expression...like "You know??" Love them!

Whatever they need, it seems God has infused us both with it! Our family is really gellin'! Its a wonderful look for us. Honey and I are treading on the outskirts of a deeper love and respect for one another. Our communication over the past two weeks has been incredible!! Knock on wood, but since that 4 AM thing...(vaguely salty), things have been great! We make sure that time spent with fam is FIRST! We both also have time to self, or for other interests. Even though a lot of place still need that touch of balance, I can honestly say that life now is running more smoothly than it ever has. I have MORE time for myself and all the things that I used to complain were missing from my life. Health and fitness, yoga, time to play with hair or read are all in there now! And since I work out now, I have enough energy to do ALL THE THINGS that I want to do! Its truly FANTASTIC!

I havent written much lately, because its been quite strange adjusting to this 'newness' about my life. But it is truly a joy, and I am deeply thankfull! I just want to send a shout out to my homie, God! Your presence in our lives is SUCH A GOOD LOOK! Thank you...for EVERYthing. You are the ish!