Random Thankfullness

I used to doubt that God really REALLY heard me. Because I expected that things would work out the way I saw fit. Well... lately, that has not been the case, but now that I am awake, I can see the perfection! I am in awe...again!

Due to economic times, and the recent dissolvement of my relastionship and just... life, I have been a bit less fortunate. I have fallen behind on bills, cried myself to sleep countless nights, wondering how the hell did Wakeelah end up in this predicament? As you can see, sometimes I really do think highly of myself. I'm much too smart to end up like this right? Well...whatever...here I am. And in this place, I learn what it means and feels like to have faith, to know that in the midst of the perfect storm, I can and will come out unharmed, unscathed and actually stronger than I was before. I learned the true meaning of humility, and how to appreciate the growing pangs that come with leaving your comfort zone and exploring a different 'style' of living. I am learning how to truly find myself, amidst all of the things that I thought was me...I am understanding responsibility, surrender, and compromise on a whole different level. I am learning that life may not look how we think it should, but by paying attention, the lesson will be CRYSTAL! The experience is always PERFECT for developing or revealing that elusive quality that we all strive for. I am living with an increased amount of peace and its wonderful! I am thankful...and the fruits of my acceptance:

A friend of mine gave me a beautiful Christmas Tree so that my children and I can actually have one this year!!! It even has decorations and lights and everythign to put on it!

I received countless gift cards to places from grocery stores, to dept. stores, to home stores so that I can improve, decorate and revamp my environments, myself and my family. I can even use them to buy a few gifts for people who I would otherwise have not been able to shop for.

I have a strong plan in place to pull us out of this financial situation...and my business plan is almost complete...and its looking REALLY OPTIMISTIC!! I even have my first client already!

My relationship with my kids dad is much better, now that we are 'friends'. Still feels strange, but I cant deny the amount of respect, laughter and lightness that accompanies our interactions nowadays...as opposed to constant complaints and 'sighs'!

My children are absolutely PERFECT in every way. They are well behaved, smart as ever, and they are genuinely GOOD PEOPLE! Yes...we made them!

My backbone is becoming more and more apparent and I love the way that I am forcing certain people in my life to adjust to 'how it is!"... I'm gonna smile, cuz I deserve to!

God is LOUD!!!! Not just a whisper or an afterthought...I am fully aware of our connection most of the time now!

I have friends!!! I am not sure how to trust them, or confide in them, or even how to utilize their presence in my life...but dammit!!! Ive got people in my life who REALLY REALLY care for me--as I am. I wonder would they still care if they knew.... SHUT UP VOICE! THEY DO!

I feel bummy on the outside, but absoluelty beautiful on the inside...because I really am blessed!

Sadness is as it is....

Today it is nonexistent, cuz I know who I am...and from whom my sustenance comes. Thank you!

Love Always and First!!

Keelah