20 October, 2008

Healing is quite a strange process

Some days are easier than others. Some days I feel empowered as I step out in this new life. Despite all the changes and the fears and the residual pain...I know I can and am doing it!!!
Some days, I feel that pain. The pain that losing the familiar leaves behind. The questions start to flow automatically..."what ifs", "coulda, woulda, shouldas", "blames and faults"...
I vacillate back and forth between confidence and freedom, and lonely thoughts and the insatiable urge to run back to what I know. Begging re-entry into the past!
But deep in my heart, I know that what I know isn't the same...and it isn't for me anymore. Because despite my best efforts to remain the same...I am changed. I am change-ING! I am evolving, such a wonderful work in progress, If I must say so myself.
What was...is no longer... what can satisfy this urge. I yearn to deepen and expand and encompass and inspire. I cant do that clinging to that of late. I cant do that paralyzed by the fear that always accompanies change. I have to, for the sake of fulfilling myself, step out on the faith of the smallest voice in my mind...to TAKE what is rightfully mine! Today is a GOOD day!
Stride cant be stanker!!! Oooh wait...or can it???? Stay tuned!

Be blessed and live delicious lives.

Keelah

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Healing is hard. It's that sore spot thatyou want to nurture so badly yet it's best to leave it alone and let it heal with time.

Geez why is so familiar to me now.

SunShower said...

The strange thing about healing is you get to a point when you really feel you're past it. You've grown, changed, moved on, and then one thing happens that sends you back and it is as if all that time between now and then never happened. The feelings are so real and so raw and so present. I think the measure of growth is not that you don't have these moments, it is how you bounce back from them. It gets easier.

SunShower said...

The strange thing about healing is you get to a point when you really feel you're past it. You've grown, changed, moved on, and then one thing happens that sends you back and it is as if all that time between now and then never happened. The feelings are so real and so raw and so present. I think the measure of growth is not that you don't have these moments, it is how you bounce back from them. It gets easier.