Concerns...

Sometimes life is so confusicus to me. Some days are good, some days are bad. Some days I'm on the ball...Most days I cant find the friggin bal at all! And if I do, how the hayle am I sposed to balance my big ass on a ball without deflating it! I have been blog hopping around...this time to Mommy sites, because I find myself becoming more interested in community and fully living and celebrating life, not just for me, but for my babies. I want to expose my kids to the fun lives that I see all these other moms participating in. But its like, I feel so inferior in that way. I'm not much fun and I dont have that 'mommy creativity' gene that lots of moms seem to be innately blessed with. I have only been a mom for two years, but I feel like I suck in a lot of ways. Like my kids are still mostly jpegs. I didnt decorate for halloween (tho I did get them two little pumpkins!) ...Maybe I'm just having one of those days. I just dont seem to 'get' how to be a woman, a mother, and the primary care-giver all at once. The order just seems so tall...and tho I'm almost 6 feet..sometimes that just doesnt seem tall enough!

I am a single mom as of the last two months, and I dont want to use that as an excuse, (but its just so darn convenient sometimes)
I have a great 'partner', who when I'm in my right mind (and not living through these damn emotions) is the best person to have in my life right now. He has awakened and the light of God is shining all up and through him . He's on fire and determined to carve greatness out of the past bad decisions he has made. He credits me with his 'awareness' and I must admit, that feels good! He wants to be a better man, (albeit not for me, but that here nor there) and I hope that I can stand right beside him (as his 'friend' sigh) while he moves to greatness!

HMMM....dont know where this post got sidetracked..but I guess I want to be better too! Just have to keep my eyes on my prize and not pay attention to what my emotions tell me I'm missing. I have dreams and goals and....

Hopefully this mood will pass and I will regain the clarity of belief that I can achieve all that I envision!

Letting go....again! LOL

Happy Pumpkin day!