10 June, 2008
I just noticed that my weight is ON the ticker!!!
How the hell did that happen? Oh well. FYI, I am 5'11. That doesnt make it much better, but people tell me it does all the time, so I'm gonna roll with that! :)
Good Deeds fills Gods needs
Now mind you, I dont believe that God has a need for anything, but I'm sure he has preferences. If God gets to choose, I believe He would choose happiness for us over suffering. Thankfullness over unappreciation. Beauty over ugliness. Love over stress.
Lately, my honey and I have been REALLY counting our blessings. We have been praying together, communicating more honestly than ever before, and just being better people. We are gently helping each other stay on the paths we claim we want and life is better. Over the past several days we have had several miracles, and I'm very thankfull. We have been getting free gas money all over the place as thank yous for random things that we never considered reward worthy. Our neighbor got us a $50.00 gift card so that we may have a date night, as a thanks!!! My uncle gave us some free bass to eat! We need food. My sister volunteers her babysitting services two days a week and mom does the other days, until we can find an appropriate daycare. And this is just what I'm thinking about right now, I'm sure there's so much more. And I honestly believe its been because we are giving instead of thinking about how little we have to give. When someone is hungry, even though we dont have much, we offer to feed them. When someone needs to go somewhere, we offer to take them. If someone needs a place to come and collect themselves, we offer our home. Not because we want blessings, but simply because we both NEED to feel helpful somehow. Sharing what little we think we have fills that need for us. I never thought that what we did was all that important, but it means so much to the people we help. And their kindness means so much to us in returen!! It just a big ole ball of love!!! God, I know how I can get sometimes (as the hole in my door confirms) but I dont want you to think that I am sleeping on your love! We appreciate EVERYTHING that you put in our hearts and and our lives. Thank you. From the deepest part of me.
Please continue to bless our home and family and lives. We are TOTALLY willing to do YOUR will. And if you find us being resistant, please continue to keep our awareness high enough, and our intentions clear enough, so that we rebound quickly. Thank you. We love you. Amen.
Lately, my honey and I have been REALLY counting our blessings. We have been praying together, communicating more honestly than ever before, and just being better people. We are gently helping each other stay on the paths we claim we want and life is better. Over the past several days we have had several miracles, and I'm very thankfull. We have been getting free gas money all over the place as thank yous for random things that we never considered reward worthy. Our neighbor got us a $50.00 gift card so that we may have a date night, as a thanks!!! My uncle gave us some free bass to eat! We need food. My sister volunteers her babysitting services two days a week and mom does the other days, until we can find an appropriate daycare. And this is just what I'm thinking about right now, I'm sure there's so much more. And I honestly believe its been because we are giving instead of thinking about how little we have to give. When someone is hungry, even though we dont have much, we offer to feed them. When someone needs to go somewhere, we offer to take them. If someone needs a place to come and collect themselves, we offer our home. Not because we want blessings, but simply because we both NEED to feel helpful somehow. Sharing what little we think we have fills that need for us. I never thought that what we did was all that important, but it means so much to the people we help. And their kindness means so much to us in returen!! It just a big ole ball of love!!! God, I know how I can get sometimes (as the hole in my door confirms) but I dont want you to think that I am sleeping on your love! We appreciate EVERYTHING that you put in our hearts and and our lives. Thank you. From the deepest part of me.
Please continue to bless our home and family and lives. We are TOTALLY willing to do YOUR will. And if you find us being resistant, please continue to keep our awareness high enough, and our intentions clear enough, so that we rebound quickly. Thank you. We love you. Amen.
Give
I was sitting at a red light with my man and children. We were having a very laid back trip to grandma's. There was such a serene calm in the air. The air was hot and humid, the sun melting into orange and purple skies. And we hear a saxophone. So we look to the right, and there is a guy standing next to the pick up window at the Taco Bell playing the saxophone. I automatically looked for his cup (conditioned negativity). There wasn't one. He was sincerely playing to share his gift with the world. I mouthed the words THAT IS AWESOME! Nard and I couldnt stop staring at this man, hypnotized by the meaning behind this moment that we got to share. Then the man pointed his sax at us and said, "This is for yall too! I see the love in that car!" We pulled of...and all that was said was a common, "Wow". I wanted to talk about it. Find out what he was thinking...I felt like I needed to know if it affected him the same way it did me. Me and my busy mind. Instead I just relaxed and enjoyed that moment. God sent us another angel to remind us what we are here for. Simply to share what we have to share.
Too often I ponder what I can do to unleash myself unto this world, and I always dream up these big elaborate dreams that I often honestly believe are too big for me. But it never really takes that much. Give what you can. And somewhere, somehow it will be appreciated. He was so courageous, so honest, so love filled! I am in awe of that man. In the 60 seconds that we waited at that light, I was hopeful for humanity. A stranger showed me the way. Thank you, God. We appreciate your presence in our lives. Love, ALWAYS Keelah
Too often I ponder what I can do to unleash myself unto this world, and I always dream up these big elaborate dreams that I often honestly believe are too big for me. But it never really takes that much. Give what you can. And somewhere, somehow it will be appreciated. He was so courageous, so honest, so love filled! I am in awe of that man. In the 60 seconds that we waited at that light, I was hopeful for humanity. A stranger showed me the way. Thank you, God. We appreciate your presence in our lives. Love, ALWAYS Keelah
04 June, 2008
RA.N.TINGS!
Late last night...scrounged around for money to put gas in car. Found enough for a qtr tank....It rained.
Basment flooded, dont know how ALL my books are :(...Had to boil water to wash up in--ewww. Sigh...
Leave on time...find myself 16 miles in the wrong direction, in fog. Wasting gas.
Need to find payphone to call in. Stop at SIX payphones, miles apart, before I find one that works.
Leave angry message. I HATE MICHIGAN SUBURBS!!!!
Get here nearly 30 minutes late...weird vibe!
Hate this morning. Love this peace.
Thank you God for this calm behind my thoughts. growth is beautiful...AMEN!
Basment flooded, dont know how ALL my books are :(...Had to boil water to wash up in--ewww. Sigh...
Leave on time...find myself 16 miles in the wrong direction, in fog. Wasting gas.
Need to find payphone to call in. Stop at SIX payphones, miles apart, before I find one that works.
Leave angry message. I HATE MICHIGAN SUBURBS!!!!
Get here nearly 30 minutes late...weird vibe!
Hate this morning. Love this peace.
Thank you God for this calm behind my thoughts. growth is beautiful...AMEN!
16 May, 2008
How FULL is your life?
This is a question that I am being forced to ponder. I have a pretty full life. I am a woman, a black woman at that. I have a black man. I have two young sons. I work full time. I have housework, grocery duty and the task of being the best me that I can be, so that I can lead my world by example. That sounds pretty daunting to me. Why? Because my world is already small, and all the 'hats' that I have to wear makes it feel even more constricted. I have NO SPACE for myself half the time. When I do decide to 'accept' time for myself, I feel a tinge of guilt. I feel guilty because I work full time and then have the AUDACITY to need time alone. Having a family hasn't changed who I am very much though. I still need time to be alone. With God. With my thoughts, with my soul. I find it hard to feel my own energy when I'm around other people. Always have, so I seek that time. I NEED it!
Anyway, I have been communing a lot lately, about my life. The quality of it and how I would like to change. And the answer I received was GIVE OF YOURSELF. I laughed this off. I dont feel I have much to give. I mean, I give all that I have to my job and family. And occasionally, I give to me, but not very often. The message was repeated and I still played like I didnt understand. So God sent me an angel to explain what it means to give of yourself. I met a guy today who runs a soup kitchen in Detroit. We talked endlessly about the human condition, and about what small things we are so ungrateful for on a daily basis. I thought of how often I appreciate the 'little things' in life and thought smugly to myself, "Thats not me!". But when I thought about it, yes it is! I am stingy. I am stingy with my love, attention, affection and time. The person most affected? Not just my children, my man, my family...but MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
I cheat everything and everyone in my life, by not filling my days with what fills my soul. I complain (to myself and God) about the things I dont have, accomplishments I have yet to achieve, personal demons that I need to overcome, but I hardly ever sit in thankfullness for all of the things that I do have. And to actually help those with less than I have, is such a novel idea, but one that I have yet to act upon.
I had to sit down and really re-evaluate what is REALLY important to me. I thought it was having a healthy, happy family. Being a successful business owner. Having a fab home, friends, social calendar. But none of that is as important as being a complete individual (if that makes sense). And I dont really believe that is somethign you can 'think' about for too long, as I have been. Either you act on your inner impulses, or you dont. When you do live from that space, I suspect life is good. When you spend your life thinking about it...not so much. The feeling of not sharing your soul is pain. It comes in many forms: frustration, depression, low self-esteem, poor boundaries, disconnected feeling, but all in all, PAIN sums it up. I am ready to enlarge my territory. It has not served me well to keep my self so closed off from this world.
I am human, after all! Happy Friday!!
Anyway, I have been communing a lot lately, about my life. The quality of it and how I would like to change. And the answer I received was GIVE OF YOURSELF. I laughed this off. I dont feel I have much to give. I mean, I give all that I have to my job and family. And occasionally, I give to me, but not very often. The message was repeated and I still played like I didnt understand. So God sent me an angel to explain what it means to give of yourself. I met a guy today who runs a soup kitchen in Detroit. We talked endlessly about the human condition, and about what small things we are so ungrateful for on a daily basis. I thought of how often I appreciate the 'little things' in life and thought smugly to myself, "Thats not me!". But when I thought about it, yes it is! I am stingy. I am stingy with my love, attention, affection and time. The person most affected? Not just my children, my man, my family...but MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
I cheat everything and everyone in my life, by not filling my days with what fills my soul. I complain (to myself and God) about the things I dont have, accomplishments I have yet to achieve, personal demons that I need to overcome, but I hardly ever sit in thankfullness for all of the things that I do have. And to actually help those with less than I have, is such a novel idea, but one that I have yet to act upon.
I had to sit down and really re-evaluate what is REALLY important to me. I thought it was having a healthy, happy family. Being a successful business owner. Having a fab home, friends, social calendar. But none of that is as important as being a complete individual (if that makes sense). And I dont really believe that is somethign you can 'think' about for too long, as I have been. Either you act on your inner impulses, or you dont. When you do live from that space, I suspect life is good. When you spend your life thinking about it...not so much. The feeling of not sharing your soul is pain. It comes in many forms: frustration, depression, low self-esteem, poor boundaries, disconnected feeling, but all in all, PAIN sums it up. I am ready to enlarge my territory. It has not served me well to keep my self so closed off from this world.
I am human, after all! Happy Friday!!
14 May, 2008
What the fuck???
A client just called and said that the estimators price quoted and the workers prices aren't 'jiving'. I love that! My soul is truly with the 70's. I told a friend what was said and how much I loved it..conversation went like this:
MsKeelah: he said that the estimator and the workers figures dont seem to be jiving for ml
My friend: hahah
My friend: flash back from the 70s
MsKeelah: RIGHT
MsKeelah: my FAV decade
My friend: you would have done well in the 70s
My friend: your fro could have been truly appreciated
MsKeelah: its appreciated now
MsKeelah: haha
MsKeelah: well i guess everyone doesnt..
Okay I.AM.PISSED!!! What the fuck do you mean truly appreciated? What the fuck are you saying? Oh I know damn well what she is saying, but how fucking DARE YOU!!!????
I swear, If I didnt have the DREAMGIRLS soundtrack going at my 'puter...this could have gotten ugly.
As you can see, my fast is done. For the record, I did the entire 10 days, easy. My mind was right for a hot second. I lost 18 lbs, skin cleard, energy soared, felt closer to God and all that jazz. I didnt post much about it, because it was sort of a private thing I did to cleanse and renew. I actually did this to strengthen my connection to God. Mission Accomplished. But I swear, the minute I ate meat...my peace escaped me. lol
Back to this chick...HOW FUCKING DARE SHE? Sigh...but how can I expect her to have known how that would make me feel. She just doesnt GET IT!!! And I'm not in the mood to teach hairstory right now. That is all.
Release now...
Peace yall!
MsKeelah: he said that the estimator and the workers figures dont seem to be jiving for ml
My friend: hahah
My friend: flash back from the 70s
MsKeelah: RIGHT
MsKeelah: my FAV decade
My friend: you would have done well in the 70s
My friend: your fro could have been truly appreciated
MsKeelah: its appreciated now
MsKeelah: haha
MsKeelah: well i guess everyone doesnt..
Okay I.AM.PISSED!!! What the fuck do you mean truly appreciated? What the fuck are you saying? Oh I know damn well what she is saying, but how fucking DARE YOU!!!????
I swear, If I didnt have the DREAMGIRLS soundtrack going at my 'puter...this could have gotten ugly.
As you can see, my fast is done. For the record, I did the entire 10 days, easy. My mind was right for a hot second. I lost 18 lbs, skin cleard, energy soared, felt closer to God and all that jazz. I didnt post much about it, because it was sort of a private thing I did to cleanse and renew. I actually did this to strengthen my connection to God. Mission Accomplished. But I swear, the minute I ate meat...my peace escaped me. lol
Back to this chick...HOW FUCKING DARE SHE? Sigh...but how can I expect her to have known how that would make me feel. She just doesnt GET IT!!! And I'm not in the mood to teach hairstory right now. That is all.
Release now...
Peace yall!
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