If not me, then who?

Okay I was just having a conversation with Chris that led me to believe that I am one of those people who refuses to take responsibility for the circumstance in their life. I don’t know why I assumed that I wasn’t but I am. And the other thing is that I have so much information on what does what, that I am immobilized trying to figure out the best combination of things to try. I know so many therapies that could probably help me to get unstuck, and first they cost money. And I have already told myself that I cannot afford any of the things that I need to make my life “work” for me. Second, I don’t have time or energy to get these things done, because I have so much going on in my life! Now really...there is 24 hours in everyones day. Excuses, Excuses I am full of them. and even worse, they all seem to make sense to me. There are so many goals that I have had over the years, that I have totally cheated myself out of accomplishing because I always made up reasons why I shouldnt try or how it wouldnt work. Or how circumstances needed to be different before I could take the chance of doing anything. As if somehow my external world was going to miraculously get itself into order and then I could enjoy it more or be more accomplished or confident or whatever else I thought was going to happen...with no input from me? Who else is going to make changes in my life? How disfunctional is that? I mean I have been trying to lose weight for almost 11 years. When I first started out...I was just like 10 lbs overweight. Now I am like 50 lbs. overweight, becasue it never really REALLY sunk in that I would have to actually exert effort to make change. I thought that I was going to eat what I wanted, make excuses not to work out...complain about what needed to change and that was the perfect recipe for my Perfectly healthy body...what the fuggg??? Is that crazy or what? Well Im not gonna put myself down about it anymore...now I know so ignorance (no matter how obvious the truth may have been) is no longer an option. I KNOW now...and now I am present enough to take conscious action to become more of the woman that I imagine myself to be. No longer will I blame my weight on my cravings, our food sources, mass marketing, or anything else. None of these can stand up to the power of choice that I have. No longer will I be mad at myself subconsciously humming the McDonald's jingle. (Destiny Childs version--of course) and then blaming the programming that I allowed to infiltrate my mind. It is me that allows that stuff to penetrate me and alter my mind. If I am being bombarded with things that are counterproductive to my goals, which is damn near everwhere then I must program myself for accomplishment of my goals, not to be swayed by...'everythang else'. Its absolute BULL SHIT! And I am not standing for it any more...if I dont take a stand in my own life...who will?