26 November, 2008

I wish...

That I was able to be fabulous! That I had plans for Thanksgiving tomorrow...that I was inviting over loved ones for a lovely dinner, with beautiful place settings and could be confident that the atmosphere would be filled with lots of love and happy times. Unfortunately, this time of year is very painful for me. Its sad and lonely and I always feel so isolated and disconnected, even when I'm surrounded by people. I get lots of invites, but I dont fit anywhere. And the holiday season reminds me of that painfully. I have two children now...I can start a tradition for us. I can make my home where I fit...right? *Sigh* maybe next year. This year I'm a day early and several hundred dollars short! Melancholy has grabbed my azz again... Get.off.my.ass.bitch!!!! I'm trying to be HAPPY!!!!

2 comments:

*Tanyetta* said...

Keelah,

I'm so sad reading this. I hope you're able to beat the funk. You're right, make this Thanksgiving a day for a tradition for you and the kids. Something they can look forward to.

Sending you a cyber hug! You gone be alright!

Shai said...

I feel ya. I am more an introvert. I am an only child and my fam is not close or have traditional get togethers.

Make the holiday in your own way. Kids remember when you do something special. So have a Keelah and kids holiday.

And as for the feeling left out, I know that feeling so well. I have learned to not let it get to me so much. Have fun where you can and don't worry about fitting in. It takes too much energy.

I hope you and the boys have a wonderful holiday.