26 November, 2008
I wish...
That I was able to be fabulous! That I had plans for Thanksgiving tomorrow...that I was inviting over loved ones for a lovely dinner, with beautiful place settings and could be confident that the atmosphere would be filled with lots of love and happy times. Unfortunately, this time of year is very painful for me. Its sad and lonely and I always feel so isolated and disconnected, even when I'm surrounded by people. I get lots of invites, but I dont fit anywhere. And the holiday season reminds me of that painfully. I have two children now...I can start a tradition for us. I can make my home where I fit...right? *Sigh* maybe next year. This year I'm a day early and several hundred dollars short! Melancholy has grabbed my azz again... Get.off.my.ass.bitch!!!! I'm trying to be HAPPY!!!!
14 November, 2008
Let me, let me UPGRADYA!
Lately life has been coming together in such a FABULOUS way! Life is still hard at times, overwhelming being a single parent and mentally draining as I transition from being sleepy and disconnected to waking up and taking full responsibility for this experience...but wonderful just the same.
I have been using tips and tools that I read about on other blogs or magazines and can honestly say the improvements are really great!
The last thing that I am able to work on is myself. Not just because it takes money to upgrade...but because it takes time, energy and a certain level of self knowledge...and most times I dont feel like I have enough.
Last night, after I put my little bundles of pure Energy to bed, I began straightening my home. The way you leave your home before you go to bed, is the way you will wake up to it!
I was blessing everything as I rearranged and purged clutter, I wondered would I ever get to look out at life and see my dreams manifest...I know I will, but sometimes I just dont see a way.
Then out of nowhere...I asked myself..."Self...what would a totally FABULOUS woman do if she woke up and found herself with your life?" When I looked at it from that perspective, suddenly things didnt look so bleak. As a matter of fact it looked ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC! When I looked at it from a higher perspective, I realized that I have SO MUCH to be thankful for! I have to just learn to appreciate it and 'work it!' as is.
I have a great(ish) place to live, I have good food to prepare and offer as nourishment to myself and family. I have a job that pays me to develop and use skills that will serve me well in all of my future endeavors. I have family that helps me to organize and maintain my life. I have friends, old and new, who help me to always see the best that life has to offer us, and helps me to be my best self. All of my relationships are improving, and for those that dont seem to be, the dialouge is much better! I feel more empowered, less overwhelmed, more beautiful, less stressed, more optimistic, less depressed. I feel like the possiblities for a GREAT life are endless!!!!
I can honestly say with certainty, that I AM BEING UPGRADED! Life has not changed externally so much yet, but the shift within is noticable and such a comforting thing!
My awareness is much greater, and my mind is much clearer and my energy less choppy and abrasive . I have a plan for work, and I'm working my plan! As a result, my children are more at ease, happier and more excited. The biggest and best thigng I could have done is decide not to wait on life to change....but to go on and CHANGE MY LIFE!
I am so thankful for the Lord literally answering each and every prayer that I have ever set before Him. My confidence in our relationship is more real and makes it easier for me to let go of some of the thoughts and behaviours that keep me bound to old played out ideas about myself and life in general.
I thank you for NEVER giving up on me, even when I flipped you the BIRD because I thought you didnt know what you were talking about. Our friendship is my most cherished and I am thankful to be one of your beloved. I am thankful for the children you are allowing me to raise for you. And I'm thankful for the extra love and support that you have offered my way, so that during the darkest and more frustrating moments of mommy-hood, I had the resolve to never give up. Stop, breathe, regroup and get back in there! I love you so much! words are never enough to express my gratitude for you helping me to elevate my mind, and evolve my heart...to be closer with you! You are my reason, my alpha and omega....and even when my my bottom lip pokes out and my defensiveness begins, I want you to always know that! You are appreciated! God you are the best!
I have been using tips and tools that I read about on other blogs or magazines and can honestly say the improvements are really great!
The last thing that I am able to work on is myself. Not just because it takes money to upgrade...but because it takes time, energy and a certain level of self knowledge...and most times I dont feel like I have enough.
Last night, after I put my little bundles of pure Energy to bed, I began straightening my home. The way you leave your home before you go to bed, is the way you will wake up to it!
I was blessing everything as I rearranged and purged clutter, I wondered would I ever get to look out at life and see my dreams manifest...I know I will, but sometimes I just dont see a way.
Then out of nowhere...I asked myself..."Self...what would a totally FABULOUS woman do if she woke up and found herself with your life?" When I looked at it from that perspective, suddenly things didnt look so bleak. As a matter of fact it looked ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC! When I looked at it from a higher perspective, I realized that I have SO MUCH to be thankful for! I have to just learn to appreciate it and 'work it!' as is.
I have a great(ish) place to live, I have good food to prepare and offer as nourishment to myself and family. I have a job that pays me to develop and use skills that will serve me well in all of my future endeavors. I have family that helps me to organize and maintain my life. I have friends, old and new, who help me to always see the best that life has to offer us, and helps me to be my best self. All of my relationships are improving, and for those that dont seem to be, the dialouge is much better! I feel more empowered, less overwhelmed, more beautiful, less stressed, more optimistic, less depressed. I feel like the possiblities for a GREAT life are endless!!!!
I can honestly say with certainty, that I AM BEING UPGRADED! Life has not changed externally so much yet, but the shift within is noticable and such a comforting thing!
My awareness is much greater, and my mind is much clearer and my energy less choppy and abrasive . I have a plan for work, and I'm working my plan! As a result, my children are more at ease, happier and more excited. The biggest and best thigng I could have done is decide not to wait on life to change....but to go on and CHANGE MY LIFE!
I am so thankful for the Lord literally answering each and every prayer that I have ever set before Him. My confidence in our relationship is more real and makes it easier for me to let go of some of the thoughts and behaviours that keep me bound to old played out ideas about myself and life in general.
I thank you for NEVER giving up on me, even when I flipped you the BIRD because I thought you didnt know what you were talking about. Our friendship is my most cherished and I am thankful to be one of your beloved. I am thankful for the children you are allowing me to raise for you. And I'm thankful for the extra love and support that you have offered my way, so that during the darkest and more frustrating moments of mommy-hood, I had the resolve to never give up. Stop, breathe, regroup and get back in there! I love you so much! words are never enough to express my gratitude for you helping me to elevate my mind, and evolve my heart...to be closer with you! You are my reason, my alpha and omega....and even when my my bottom lip pokes out and my defensiveness begins, I want you to always know that! You are appreciated! God you are the best!
11 November, 2008
A Love Affair....
I love me some me! I have been loving strong on my body...and its inherent femininity.
She is so beautiful, so soft...so womanly. The rolls on my back are bothersome most days, but not today. Today...they are just reminders, of where I have been less than loving to myself in the past. They now serve as indicators of my progress moving forward. YES I CAN.
My heart is in a perpetual state of unrest. But beneath, is the an unending supply of peace that comes from the knowledge that everything has a season...and I feel deep within the depths of my loins (do I have loins?) that my harvest is upon me. I feel that everything that will encourage me to feel whole and complete, loved and supported, strong and powerful, open and surrendered is on its way. It is seeking me with the same, if not more fervor that I am in seeking it. Quiet Excitement is the theme of life right now.
I am in a good space, where my 'flaws' are okay. Everything needs love...everything flourishes under its influence!!! Surely the things that I consider less than optimal about myself and my life are governed by this cosmic rule. Surely mySelf will benefit from love instead of my constant complaining.
I dont have much money, no clothes that I consider FABULOUS, no beautifully decorated home of my own, no distinct personal style, no nothing that I think would make life more 'sparkly'...but I do have myself. And in myself, in my unrefined form, lies infinite delicious possiblities...and thankfully I can feel the fullness today! I dont know how some days I am filled with despair, and then days like these I am able to compartmentalize that...well better yet, keep it in perspective, while acknowledging all the GOOD that exists EVERWHERE...but it is so...and for this I am so thankfull!
Oooh Today is such a succulent day!!!!
She is so beautiful, so soft...so womanly. The rolls on my back are bothersome most days, but not today. Today...they are just reminders, of where I have been less than loving to myself in the past. They now serve as indicators of my progress moving forward. YES I CAN.
My heart is in a perpetual state of unrest. But beneath, is the an unending supply of peace that comes from the knowledge that everything has a season...and I feel deep within the depths of my loins (do I have loins?) that my harvest is upon me. I feel that everything that will encourage me to feel whole and complete, loved and supported, strong and powerful, open and surrendered is on its way. It is seeking me with the same, if not more fervor that I am in seeking it. Quiet Excitement is the theme of life right now.
I am in a good space, where my 'flaws' are okay. Everything needs love...everything flourishes under its influence!!! Surely the things that I consider less than optimal about myself and my life are governed by this cosmic rule. Surely mySelf will benefit from love instead of my constant complaining.
I dont have much money, no clothes that I consider FABULOUS, no beautifully decorated home of my own, no distinct personal style, no nothing that I think would make life more 'sparkly'...but I do have myself. And in myself, in my unrefined form, lies infinite delicious possiblities...and thankfully I can feel the fullness today! I dont know how some days I am filled with despair, and then days like these I am able to compartmentalize that...well better yet, keep it in perspective, while acknowledging all the GOOD that exists EVERWHERE...but it is so...and for this I am so thankfull!
Oooh Today is such a succulent day!!!!
05 November, 2008
Manifest
This is a call to be the best that we can.
This is a call to be better women and men.
This is a call to dream bigger than ever before.
This is a call to step up and receive more.
This is a call to drop the past and leave it be.
This is a call to heal our history.
This is a call to say, "Look the dream has been made real!"
This is a call to say, "This time, its the real deal"
I am so thankful to be alive to see this. I am glad that my parents are alive to see this. I so glad that my sons are here to see this. I am so glad that finally, finally there is some semblence of equality in America. Finally, I can HONESTLY SAY, that home is a place where man is judged by the content of his character and not by apprearances. I have waited 30 years to feel like America is my home. I have waited to see my beauty reflected back to me as more than an afterthought. I have waited to see 'different' ideas be embraced in such a cold and dogmatic place. I have waited...patiently...and that time IS COME! Yes we ca, yes we did! and Oh yes! WE WILL!
I accept the challenge...do you?
AMEN
This is a call to be better women and men.
This is a call to dream bigger than ever before.
This is a call to step up and receive more.
This is a call to drop the past and leave it be.
This is a call to heal our history.
This is a call to say, "Look the dream has been made real!"
This is a call to say, "This time, its the real deal"
I am so thankful to be alive to see this. I am glad that my parents are alive to see this. I so glad that my sons are here to see this. I am so glad that finally, finally there is some semblence of equality in America. Finally, I can HONESTLY SAY, that home is a place where man is judged by the content of his character and not by apprearances. I have waited 30 years to feel like America is my home. I have waited to see my beauty reflected back to me as more than an afterthought. I have waited to see 'different' ideas be embraced in such a cold and dogmatic place. I have waited...patiently...and that time IS COME! Yes we ca, yes we did! and Oh yes! WE WILL!
I accept the challenge...do you?
AMEN
Proud to be an American!!!
Thank God for today! What is unfortunate is the 'vibe' that I am being met with. Damn shame. But oh well! Whaddya do? I dont understand what the big deal is...How can you treat a 'friend' so foul because you dont like what is going on politically? I am not going to let this change my spirit and hopefully it wont change the way I feel about certain people as a whole...but I have never in all my years, felt as awful as I feel. Good thing its a GREAT DAY to be an American! And I will allow the love for my country to lift me up during this time of readjustment! God Bless America!
04 November, 2008
Today is the day...
I am so excited about today!!! I am so glad that I already got my vote in! The line was long as hayle at 6 AM. Yes I was up and dressed and OUT of the house before 6!!! For those who know me, that is a feat! I met some of the nicest people you ever will meet. The energy in the air today is electric!! Positive, hopeful and optimistic!!! I will remember the essence of this day forever!!!! It's always so lovely to be in the presence of beauty. And YES we ARE beautiful..., when we come together for a common cause. The movement of humanity, the spirit of change! I LOVE LOVE LOVE today!! And everything that it signifies. Either way, today is a GREAT DAY!
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