I really thought you were THE ONE-
thats why I stayed so long
My commitment was as deep as I've ever given to anyone
But it wasnt enough when the times got rough
The day that my life got drowned by 'my stuff'
I hurt, but...
You cant understand...
To you, pain is weakness to never be shown
To me, pain is killing me and I'm left to deal alone
My tears make you angry
Reflections that hit too close to home?
Instead of sharing your heart...
You push me away
So I wait patiently, for that 'one day'
The day you will hold me
And tell me 'for life'
The day that you value me enough to make me your wife
The day I can relax and know that you're mine...
Sigh, but thats just a fantasy
With room just for one
Now because of my choices, a statistic I've become
Barely escaping my demons
Grasping wildly for hope
Trying to carry on
But I'm starting to choke
I am not a poet
Just someone going through it right now..
This is not what I planned
This life is not for me
But here I am
So now what?
Two BABIES, two parent, two seperate homes?
I hate this. I hurt so bad...cant keep crying at my desk. What if someone sees?
This is the last place that I have where I actually feel competent. Where I can actually do and say the right thing and be who I am supposed to be. I am not at home in my own home or in my own life for that matter. I dont know where to go from here. I know that many people do it all the time. But can I fly, when I want to die? Can I live...without you? Can I do this?
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...I emerge!
I have JUST defined the meaning of SUCCESS for my life. It is living the life that I WANT TO LIVE!! And yes. I am successful!
About Me
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- Keelah
- Detroit, MI, United States
- This spot is ALL MINE. It is where I come to sort thru all the shit going on in my mind and my life. It is a work in progress as am I. Constantly changing and growing. Ever evolving and becoming better. This is...me.
From the darkness
...I emerge!
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9 comments:
The way through is hard. Time, prayer, tears, and so on will come. Don't get down too long.
Things will be fine on the other side. I know it's cliched when you are not going through it.
You ARE a poet and you expressed yourself so well. Write it out, cry it out, get it out.
Healing takes time and you will be so much stronger for it. I think of Marvin Sapp's Never Could Have Made and how it is so true.
Hold on and know folks are praying for ya.
Shai, thanks so much! Its so hard...I havent felt much for years...and now I feel like I'm dying! So dramatic I know, lol. Part of me is beginning to accept and mourn, but there is a small part of me that wonders who I am outside of this union. I will get to find out sooner than I'd like...
i am praying for you beautiful keelah. sending lots of hugs & nothing but luv. have faith in the Lord and He will see you thru. this i know 4 sure.
God Bless
xoxoxo
i've been there... but trust it will get better... be strong!
Hey Princess.
No matter what it feels like today and not matter the outcome- you will get through it.
Prayers are being sent up for you.
Take your time, allow your self to feel the things going on, pray, talk, cry, lauhg and understand that the only person you can control or change is you so do the best for you and your babies
I am so sorry you are going through this and feeling this way. You expressed yourself so eloquently...and, if you aren't a poet, I don't know who is.
Wow. Keelah, I know this post is a few months old but I needed to comment. I too have been there and for me the holidays are the most difficult...but it's your chance to make new traditions and live the best you ever! I look forward to reading your blog!
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