11 January, 2010

I gotta do it!

I finally figured it out. Why I feel so repressed and unsatisfied. Because I am NOT allowing myself to have the opportunity to live my dreams. I have always dreamed big. Shit, I cant help it. I am a dreamer by creation. I have always seen big and grand things for myself. My tastes have always been waaay outside of my 'belief range' ...and I didnt have anyone to really encourage my high flying ideals. Most people around me had had their dreams dismissed already, so the advice I tended to get was, "Be realistic" or repeated comments about my head being "in the clouds"...

I tried to supplement my REAL dreams with other dreams that were much more palatable to my world. I tried to be an entrepeneur, doing something that I can do well...customer service. I figured, that would be easy right? NO. Its never easy, when its not RIGHT!

What I want to do... seems far fetched in a way, but in a lot of ways, its closer to me than anything. Because I ponder it daily. I practice it daily. I dream of it daily. I fantasize on it daily. And I exercise it daily. I'm like an athelete, who has yet to put himself in the draft pool.


I dont know if I really have any talent, or if its all in my head. But truth be told, I BELIEVE that I can be successful at this craft. I am an artist. I have always known it. Tried to find other, lesser ways of expressing it. But thats not working. I have to try this. I HAVE to. I do not wish to live with regret, over something so HUGE to me. I want to look at my sons and say...GO FOR YOUR DREAMS!!!! And mean it.

I will do that. For them and for me! I dont have to be the biggest or the best...but I have to be!!

Off to do research. I have one month before this ball gets rolling. Life is about to get super busy...but it will be BEYOND WORTH IT.

Wish me luck!

Keelah
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4 comments:

jamie said...

what are your dreams Keelah?

January 14, 2010
Keelah said...

Hey Jamie!! My dream is to be a working actress. My soul will be quenched by doing so locally, but it is my dream to participate in the AWESOME process of acting in Hollywood motion pictures!!! :) Oh God!!! That is the first time that I have admitted that to ANYone outside of my family. And most of them dont know either. I just mentioned that I was going to take a few acting classes. Thanks for asking. :)

January 14, 2010
jamie said...

Follow your dreams Keelah-
Charles Bukowski, the poet laureate of skid row said it best in his poem:

“Roll the Dice”

If you’re going to try, go all the
way.
Otherwise, don’t even start.
If you’re going to try, go all the
way.
This could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.
Go all the way.
It could mean not eating for 3 or 4days.
It could mean freezing on a
park bench.
It could mean jail,
It could mean derision,
mockery,
Isolation.
Isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
And you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.
If you’re going to try,
go all the way.
There is no other feeling like
that.
You will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.
Do it, do it, do it.
do it.
All the way
all the way.
You will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, its
the only good fight
there is. C. Bukowski

Believe!
j-

January 15, 2010
Azile said...

found your blog clicking the next button and glad it happened. the post is very optimistic in a way. happy that i'm not the only one with big aspirations:)
wish you luck in your journey towards acting!

January 18, 2010

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