Blahxmas-fuckitallhate this life-blah, chunk, blah!!!

I do all the right things.
I speak affirmatively.
I dont let little things get me down.
I give whenever someone is in need and I can help.
I speak life over situations.
When someone approaches me in a foul mood, I do what I can to dissemenate it.
I pray and meditate daily.
I do my best at forgiving myself and all others (not the easiest)
I dream BIG!!!
I try.

I try and fake it til I make it... Hoping that one day...I will make it.

I hope today is the day, I hope today is the day...

Alas, today is NOT that day. I am SO THANKFUL that my children are healthy, strong, intelligent and loving!! I am so thankful that they enjoyed their holiday and their family IMMENSELY! I am glad that they didnt seem to notice the death that has become mommy, that envelopes me this time of year all the time.

I am glad they did not see me cry this time. Besides, tears do dry on their own. But who do I become to accomdate all these tears?

A bigger better FAKER version of my former self. I'm tired. And 'trying' at life, is making me even more tired.

I try at love. I try at happiness. I try. And for a moment, I get improvement. Makes me feel like I really CAN do this. Then... in a split second... I return to me. And here I am.

But in true fashion...I shall smile and generate my 'happy' persona so that noone will know my agony. Life is just GRAND!!

Wakeelah I. Everfield