Sigh

Sometimes, I'm flying high. All deep in the sweetness of love. High on the hog!
Somtimes I fall down...and wallow in depths of silt. Swine flu!

I am thankful for life and all that it encompasses....some days are just not as easy as others. Today...
Today was a challenging day.

But...such is life right?


GRRRRRR!

Ode to my FAVORITE!

I see a vision of the life that I have secretly dreamed of. I say secretly, because I have long since abandoned the belief that I could have what I wanted. So often in life, I was told that I couldn't have what I wanted. I was either offered a consolation, which in my eyes never matched up to what I truly desired. Or I was told, "too bad, sad!....in life you dont always get what you want." which, I guess is a true lesson. However, I am observing in my life how that has translated:



I no longer acknowledge my desires anymore...



This has served several purposes. It has kept me from being hurt and disappointed from life. If I never acknowledge that I want something, then I dont try to have it. And If i never 'try' to get it...then when I dont... I cant be mad right?





WRONG!!



I have found myself in a curious situation lately, and I feel ill prepared on how to respond to it.

I have found the love of my life. A wonderful man who is EVERYTHING I could possibly think I want and MORE! His soul FITS in mine. Comfortably and perfectly. He is sincere, honest, loving, industrious, a great father, and understanding, strong, generous, open minded, our personalities EFFORTLESSLY mesh, we want the SAME THINGS out of life, and both agree that it would be lovely to pursue that together.

I have no doubts about his feelings and intentions for me. I always have doubts...but his presence, dispells them.

I trust him. I respect his decisions, his mind, his ambition...and he loves me enough to encourage me to strive for my best! And does what he can to assist me. Which is a whole helluva lot. I can DEPEND on him. And he wants me too! He wants to provide...and dammit, I want to be provided for!

I UNDERSTAND him and he, I. Our communication is SUPERB! And its just and 'easy' way of being!


He holds a very high image of me, and I feel that affecting my spirit in such a positive way. I can relax when I'm with him...and finally, I am starting to believe that my unworthy feelings are wrong... And that LOVE IS REAL!!!! Its not just other people who get to live and love, and just experience happiness. It can be me too!

For the last few months, I have been healing and purging. Cleansing and learning...and now I understand why...

He has come... And we have a job to do.

He is my friend, my partner, my love, my inspiration, my 'conscience', lol. He is so wonderful, and I am very thankful for him. I feel very gay saying this... I feel weak. I feel fear, and I feel like opening up to love may hurt me in the end.... but I feel LOVE and SUPPORT more than all those things.

No longer am I waiting to exhale...

I am breathing! ALIVE! And settling quite comfortably into the notion of being with him.

Is it too soon to hear the march, and see the dress? Hmmm....maybe. But its not too soon to know that I want to laugh with him, and talk to him, and just BE with him...forever. Its not too soon to know that we have that 'special' substance about us that makes life better. We bring out the best and help to heal the worst in each other.
And we do that without trying... it just IS.

I love... again. And its wonderful! :D

May we all have THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY EVER!!!!!

Keelah