The More I Understand...The More I GROW!

28 January, 2008

Truest Trust

Is the trust for self. This is the lesson that my Self is trying to teach me right now. I am definately fighting the message, but it is being reiterated to me almost every day. I have so many goals, that I have not achieved. Not because they were too big for me, or because I didnt plan them out properly, but because I didnt follow through on the "execution". That is a BIG problem in my life. I can make the WORLDS GREATEST PLANS", but when it comes time to do the actual what I perceive as grunt work, goals tend to fall gracefully to the wayside. And one more failure is added to the list.

Up until now, they have sat there at my feet. Beckonning for my attention, but I just step over them (just like I did the mail that day that I got went off on by my S.O.) But regressing...I think about my dreams and goals almost every minute, because once desire for something is truly in your heart...you can deny it all you want, but it will remain there until it comes into manifestation, or until you can truly let it go. In my case, it has been neither. So I finally asked myself...why dont I believe in myself and my ability to "have" what I want? Because after asking the initial hundred questions...that is what it all boils down to.

And the answer that came from a place beyond me responded...because you do not trust yourself. Now that sounds strange to me...how can one not trust themselves?...and then I just sat with that question and my day played itself out for me...from a very untrusting perspective. I learned a lot.

The biggest procratstination has been on my heatlh and fitness goals. I used to believe it to be possible to change...but then somewhere along my ascension through obesity...I stopped believing. All of a sudden, the possiblity of change was no longer real for me. Even though there is always a quiet voice that encourages me to believe otherwise. Yesterday while I sat alone with my thoughts...I felt challenged to do 15 girl push-ups! I thought it impossible. My body is still very weak from giving birth...I knew I couldnt do it. I thought...I can build up to it. The voice told me...that I could do it NOW! And this is just a small example of how my mind deflects itself from the truth in order for me to think I'm "right". So I made up a few more reasons not to even try. But at the end of them all...none were good enough, I mean I was already on the floor, for Gods sake!! So I aligned myself shakily on my wrists, which I was sure would crumble under the weight of my hefty-ish upper half...and do you know what??? I did TWENTY of those bad boys--NO PROBLEM! (slowly and with proper form, might I add?) Pat! Pat! Even when I wanted to stop...which I did...I just remembered that SOMEONE someWHERE thought I could do it...so If I trusted in that...I probably could. And I did!!! So that voice...is the truth. And it would behoove me to pay attention to it. It tells me all kinds of things I am afraid to accept as truth, but that would enrich my life like nothing else. LIke I am beautiful, capable, loved, important, by design, and on the right path. Yeah...I'm good people! You are too! Hope we are having a great Monday!

25 January, 2008

Greater Later????

When I get some more money...then I'm gone be the ISH!
When I pay off all my bills, then I'm gone be the ISH!
When I redecorate my home, then I'm gone be the ISH!
When I get my car fixed, then I'm gone be the ISH!
When I get my body RIGHTEOUS!!!, then I'm gone be the ISH!
When I travel abroad, then I'm gone be the ISH!
When I get some new clothes, then I'm gone be the ISH!

...and the list goes on. Is peace for sale? OR is it just me that thinks that when I get what I need tomorrow then I'll be okay today. Crazy!

What do YOU do...?

When you are dead wrong...and you get checked on it? This happened to me, and while I get it. I understand your anger, and you are justified in it...but, HOW DARE YOU GO OFF ON ME???

21 January, 2008

Hurra up and BUY!

Monica once said something that her mother told her...Only buy things that you love, that way you will always have things that you love. Now that is not a direct quote, but you get the gist right? Well anyway...I dont do that. Things I love hardly ever get bought. Not because I dont deserve what I want...but I can harldy afford what I love. My tastes FAR EXCEED my cash. ALWAYS. I'm not a shopper, meaning I hardly ever find myself in a store--in the event of a sale. So I have lots of things that are far seconds to what I really like. I was scanning my closet the other day...I dont LOVE anything that I own. Some things fit well on my body, better than others, but something that makes me put that extra STANK into the walk?? Fraid not. [insert sad face here] But boy oh boy has fashion been pulling at my heart lately. I have been seeing some things that make me want to ignore my bills and just be the consumer that I am built to be!!!! :) I am going to go shopping soon. I can feel it!

What I learned from the Fed Ex guy!!!

Happy Monday all! I hope you all had a FABULOUS weekend! Mine was okay. But you know whose was great??? The Fed-Ex guy! I asked a few people how their weekend was, and I get the normal, "nice, relaxing, boring and the occasional great!" But when I asked the Fed-Ex guy...he made me pause and look at him, because he responded, "Oh it was WONDER-FULL!"... and I could tell that he meant it. He said it with such a fondness...I told him how AWESOME that was and how rare that people actually said it that way. He went on to tell me...he had pampered himself all weekend--he deserved it! HE DESERVED IT! And he bounced his happy azz on out of the office, oblivious to the TREMENDOUS impact he had just made on my life. I am feeling guilty for being in the bathroom too long, and he took a whole weekend for pampering! And the benefits showed. Nice huh? Thanks Fed-Ex guy!